Let's get prepared for the Crucial Conversations

Updated: Aug 27



1. Get Unstuck:

• Spot the conversations that are keeping you stuck

• Critical questions: What conversations am I not holding or not holding well? Am I

holding the right crucial conversations?

• Find out your style under stress

• Silence – Masking ( Sugarcoating, sarcasm). Avoiding (not addressing the real

issue), Withdrawing (Pulling out of the conversation)

• Violence- Controlling ( Forcing someone to think your way)

“ We tried their product, but it was an absolute disaster. Everyone knows that they are

the worst”

Meaning: I have no facts, I just use hyperbole to get your attention.

• Labeling (“ Your ideas are always crazy. Anyone can see that my way is better”)

• Attacking You move from making a point to making the person suffer. Belittling.

Threatening. Self-righteous comments.



2. Start with your heart first

  • Work on me first, Us second


• Focus on what you really want



• Refuse the Fool’s Choice.



3. Make it safe

• Building Safety


• Establish Mutual purpose.


• Mutual Respect: Do others believe that I respect them?


• Apologize when appropriate.


• Contrast to fix any misunderstanding. Tell them what you don’t mean. Then explain what you do.



4. Master Your Stories

• Retrace your path

• Notice your behavior- are you moving away from the dialogue?

• Am I in some form of Silence or Violence? What am I feeling?

• Analyze your stories

• Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.

• Tell the rest of your story- Create a useful story

• Am I adding to the problem?

• Why would a rational person do what he/she is doing? Humanize other.

• What do I really want?

• What should I do or say to achieve this result?



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