1. Get Unstuck:
• Spot the conversations that are keeping you stuck
• Critical questions: What conversations am I not holding or not holding well? Am I
holding the right crucial conversations?
• Find out your style under stress
• Silence – Masking ( Sugarcoating, sarcasm). Avoiding (not addressing the real
issue), Withdrawing (Pulling out of the conversation)
• Violence- Controlling ( Forcing someone to think your way)
“ We tried their product, but it was an absolute disaster. Everyone knows that they are
the worst”
Meaning: I have no facts, I just use hyperbole to get your attention.
• Labeling (“ Your ideas are always crazy. Anyone can see that my way is better”)
• Attacking You move from making a point to making the person suffer. Belittling.
Threatening. Self-righteous comments.
2. Start with your heart first
Work on me first, Us second
• Focus on what you really want
• Refuse the Fool’s Choice.
3. Make it safe
• Building Safety
• Establish Mutual purpose.
• Mutual Respect: Do others believe that I respect them?
• Apologize when appropriate.
• Contrast to fix any misunderstanding. Tell them what you don’t mean. Then explain what you do.
4. Master Your Stories
• Retrace your path
• Notice your behavior- are you moving away from the dialogue?
• Am I in some form of Silence or Violence? What am I feeling?
• Analyze your stories
• Get back to the facts. Abandon your absolute certainty by distinguishing between hard facts and your invented story.
• Tell the rest of your story- Create a useful story
• Am I adding to the problem?
• Why would a rational person do what he/she is doing? Humanize other.
• What do I really want?
• What should I do or say to achieve this result?